On Confidence: What It Actually Takes
(This post was originally published on Mar 22nd 2017 and updated on January 8th 2026)
Confidence Is a practice. Here's what the work actually looks like.
Confidence is often spoken about as though it's something you either have or don't - a fixed trait, inherited or earned through sheer force of will. But the women we speak to know differently. They know that confidence isn't a finish line. It's a practice, sometimes daily, sometimes moment by moment. And like any practice, it requires honesty, patience, and a willingness to unlearn what you've been taught about your own worth.
The truth is, most of us weren't raised to feel at home in our bodies. We were raised on comparison, on airbrushed ideals, on the quiet belief that we needed fixing. And while we've become better at naming these pressures, dismantling them is another matter entirely. It takes more than affirmations or self-care Sundays. It takes a fundamental shift in how you relate to yourself - your body, your mind, the voice in your head that's learned to criticise before it celebrates.
The Work Beneath the Surface
Body confidence and mental well-being are inseparable. You can't think your way into loving your body if your inner dialogue remains harsh. And you can't care for your physical self without tending to the beliefs that shape how you see it. This is the work that matters - not the surface-level fixes, but the deeper reckoning with what you've internalised and whether it's still serving you. So what does that work actually look like?
It starts with awareness. Noticing the moments when self-doubt creeps in - scrolling through images that make you feel less than, standing in front of the mirror with a mental checklist of flaws, dismissing compliments because you don't believe them. These patterns are so ingrained they can feel like truth. But they're not. They're learned. And what's learned can be unlearned.
It continues with compassion. Not the performative kind that's posted on Instagram, but the private, unglamorous act of speaking to yourself the way you'd speak to someone you love. This doesn't mean pretending you feel confident when you don't. It means meeting yourself where you are without judgment, recognising that some days will feel harder than others, and that's okay.
And it deepens with practice. Small, intentional acts that reinforce a different narrative. Choosing clothes - and lingerie - that make you feel like yourself, not like who you think you should be. Moving your body in ways that feel good rather than punishing. Surrounding yourself with voices that affirm rather than diminish. These aren't grand gestures. They're quiet recalibrations.
What We've Learned
Over the years, we've gathered insights from women navigating this same journey - some who've found their footing, others still searching. What they all share is a refusal to accept that confidence is reserved for a certain body type, age, or life stage. They've learned that:
Confidence isn't about perfection - it's about presence. The women who feel most at ease in their skin aren't the ones who've "fixed" themselves. They're the ones who've stopped trying to be someone else.
Your inner dialogue shapes everything. If the voice in your head is relentlessly critical, no amount of external validation will land. The work is internal first.
Community matters. Confidence isn't built in isolation. It's reinforced by the women around you - the ones who reflect back your worth when you can't see it yourself.
It's okay to need support. This isn't work you have to do alone. Whether it's therapy, trusted friends, or resources that guide you through the process, asking for help is an act of strength, not weakness.
Going Deeper
If this resonates and you're ready to explore what body-mind confidence actually requires, we've created something for you. Our 10 Steps to Body and Mind Confidence guide isn't a quick fix or a list of platitudes. It's a thoughtful companion for the work - a space to examine the beliefs holding you back, to practice self-compassion, and to build a more grounded relationship with yourself.
It covers everything from confronting the narratives you've absorbed, to cultivating daily practices that reinforce your sense of self, to navigating setbacks with grace rather than defeat. It's designed for women who want substance over slogans, and who are willing to do the deeper work.
You can explore it at your own pace, revisit sections when you need them, and treat it as a resource rather than a rulebook. Because confidence isn't one-size-fits-all. It's personal, evolving, and entirely your own.
For those ready to begin, the guide is available to download [here]. For everyone else, we're here - offering stories, insight, and the reminder that you're already enough.
With warmth,
Olyinka Magazine
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